fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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