she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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