I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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