Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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