you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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