I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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