Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
