there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
