i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
