He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
