Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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