I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
