I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
