i was born a porn star she said
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
