wrigley field is MILF paradise
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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