i think my tv is drunk
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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