I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
