Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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