wakey wakey hands off snakey
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
