Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
