I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
