New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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