you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
That accounts for only three of the penises
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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