he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's blow job season.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
