Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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