totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
