When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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