I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
