i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
