She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
