I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
