we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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