hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
