Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
