A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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