The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
