Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
