Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
