All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
