If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
