frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just want to make out with him forever
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
