Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Sext me about skeletons
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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