Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
