You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
