he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
