Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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