I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
