I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
