dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
