I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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