Did you just see the Batmobile???
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm šš»š
We are so blessed
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My boss couldnāt find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. Iām very much okay with this
Randomize
